You never know. You just never know.

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You never know. You just never know.

Postby Dougo » July 23rd, 2016, 9:33 am

about a month and a half ago my youngest son Luke, 30 years old, living with us because after his felonies 5 years ago unable to find anyone who will hire him... Started doing well. He made peace with everyone in the family, decided there was a God after all, and began farming the back yard for fresh veggies. He hadn't been that happy for years. He began composing his music again, and was entering code into his computer to program a game that he had come up with.

Sunday 4 weeks ago he decided to go to church with us, which he hasn't done since he was in junior high school. We were very happy to see him begin to get on with his life, and start to succeed.

That afternoon, with no previous history of mental illness and no symptoms prior to this episode, he took a complete nose dive into a schizophrenic psychosis, and could not be communicated with. It was very frightening, and very real, and he ended up screaming in a fetal position on his bed until I could talk him down.

We took him to the emergency room, and he was admitted to the behavior health ward, and was locked down. No drugs in his system. no prior history. out of the blue.

We visited him twice a day every day for three weeks, and had hope that he was improving enough so that on his birthday, he was released to us to take home. Over the past week we have managed his many medications, done our best to be kind and loving to him, but it has become evident that he was not ready to be out of the hospital. His mind was constantly racing, and among many other delusions told us that he was telepathic and could read our minds, was afraid that the police were going to take him back to jail (he has not done anything to warrant even a citation since he got out of jail 4 and a half years ago.), thought he was in the witness protection program, swore up and down that we were not his parents, was convinced we were all trying to kill him--that anyone he saw was in a conspiracy to kill him, and no one could be trusted. He got out of the car at a stoplight on 99, and walked down the highway, never stopping talking.. we couldn't get him back in the car and got him to agree to at least walk home. Came home with applications for employment, still not making any sense in what he was talking about. Raging, then crying then peaceful, never the same for any length of time.

Last night we made the heartbreaking decision to take him back to the hospital, even though he didn't want to go. We were devastated seeing him like this at home, and more devastated to have to take him and leave him at the hospital. There is no comfort in it except perhaps that we are neither qualified or equipped to be able to give him the care he needs, and for now, he is in a place where he will get the best care available, to hopefully take him from paranoid bipolar schizophrenia and into a normal life. His diagnosis is full of possibly's and maybe's.. Two thirds of people that this happens to never recover. we have hope that meds will work.

One of the most heartbreaking things about this is that he keeps telling me that he loves me, and really wants to build a motorcycle with me.. over and over again, and then moves back into a schizophrenic episode.

we are devastated, and our house is quiet. and all we can do is wait, and hope he recovers.

due to the stigma that is over any sort of mental illness, I hesitated to share what was happening to our family. And you can't relate to this unless it has happened to you, or to someone in your immediate family. Pray it never happens to you.
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Re: You never know. You just never know.

Postby Pinikula » July 23rd, 2016, 3:44 pm

Thinking of Luke, you, and your family...and hope, with time, all will be good again soon. Thank you for sharing...

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Re: You never know. You just never know.

Postby wileycoyote » July 23rd, 2016, 7:56 pm

Dang, Doug. I'm sorry to hear this. I really hope the meds work & he can recover.
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Re: You never know. You just never know.

Postby HarleyRdr » July 23rd, 2016, 8:24 pm

So sorry to hear this Doug. We'll be keeping your entire family in our thoughts. I sincerely hope Luke gets the help he needs and that he is the exception who can recover/learn to manage this disease.

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Re: You never know. You just never know.

Postby Slodave » July 23rd, 2016, 9:33 pm

I'll be thinking about you, Doug, and the good times we've had on various rides together. I sincerely hope that your son recovers to rejoin your family.
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Re: You never know. You just never know.

Postby Dustpan » July 23rd, 2016, 10:16 pm

So sorry to hear this, Doug, but glad you were willing to let us know what's been happening with Luke. Of course, we've been concerned, but out of respect for you and your family, have not asked about his hospitalization. We will continue our prayers and, "puppy prayers" for Luke, you and Mari.

I'm sure you know that if there's anything we can do to help, we're a phone call away.
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Re: You never know. You just never know.

Postby RickRick » July 23rd, 2016, 11:15 pm

Thinking positive thoughts for you and your family. I know it is hard to ask for help, but please do if you need anything.

RR-
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Re: You never know. You just never know.

Postby _dj_ » July 24th, 2016, 10:04 am

Very hard thing for parents to go through. Hope for only the best for you and your family.

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Re: You never know. You just never know.

Postby Dougo » July 24th, 2016, 10:51 am

thank you everyone for your support. it is well needed, and well received.
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Re: You never know. You just never know.

Postby KeithU » July 31st, 2016, 8:23 pm

I can't relate to your specific situation, but I have two grown children and I can relate to loving them and wanting to help them be okay no matter what. Some part of them never stops being the little boy/girl we raised.

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Re: You never know. You just never know.

Postby Dougo » April 15th, 2017, 10:01 am

Hi all. I just wanted to update you on how Luke is doing.

I'm happy to report that He is back among us. Not the same Luke as before, but starting from zero, he has come miles.

When we first got him home, he was still having conversations with himself about things none of us understood. "Absorbing the power of gravity waves from the planets...." For example.

He couldn't remember how to tune his guitar let alone play it. (He was a virtuoso before this happened, reading and writing music and recording his own)

He couldn't drive, read, or use his computer. He was afraid people were watching him through his computer and so never turned it on.

Slowly he has come back to us. He started reading again, not much at first, but now a lot. Later he was able to tune his guitar, and began playing simple melodies, now not as good as he was, but he has started writing again and recording his music. He started driving again a few months later, and then... He got bored!

He wanted to go back to school, but was very nervous about it. We told him to just take fun courses, not many, one or two, so he signed up for concert choir, and The History of Rock and Roll. He drove himself to school, 30 minutes on the freeway, and back every day he had classes. He was hanging around the music department when one of his old profs saw him and asked him if he wanted to tutor again... An actual 10 hour a week job tutoring music theory and recording using the Mac system etc... He started doing that, and his memory started coming back.

The history class turned out to be more than he bargained for, causing a minor meltdown at one point, but he got through it with a B!!.

He had to take a tutoring certification class, and that was some hard work, but he passed and is certified to tutor in the community college system, in music theory and sound recording.

He has registered for more classes this next semester, and is working 10-15 hours a week.

He's coming back.

Sometimes he reflects on his behavior during the worst of it, "I really was crazy...."

The bad news is that he is becoming quite independent about how he wants to spend his time. During a heart to heart he told me to my astonishment that he was not interested in building a motorcycle at all, and never wanted to ride one again at all. He was apologetic, but firm.

I was somewhat surprised and disappointed, but I told him that it was ok, that he was after all a grown man and if he didn't want to build a motorcycle, he didn't have to.

Of course now I have a partial engine and frame sitting in my garage on the workbench, and I don't know what to do with it.

It's a project for Luke paid for by the donations from the crowdsourcing we did, and I don't feel right about continuing with it on my own. We took in about 450 or 500 dollars for it, and he did work on it with me a few times, but the money was spent along with some of my own to get the project started,and now it is all gone with little to show for it... Except I suppose several good conversations we had over the engine while we were working.

The most important thing is that he is home, working towards independence, thought that is a long way off, and cognizant, present, and with us in the moment. His sense of humor has even returned somewhat.

As I write this he is sitting here reading his book, looking as normal as he ever was. Thank God for that.

And thank you for your help, suggestions and interest. You certainly helped me get through it.
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Re: You never know. You just never know.

Postby Mel » April 15th, 2017, 11:20 pm

So good to hear that he's on the road to recovery, Doug. What a frightening and helpless feeling time all that must have been. As for the bike - maybe continue with it and get it going, then sell it and use the money toward his education, or something needed for his instruments - either one is an effort toward healing, so I don't think the intent would have changed. It sounds like it served it's purpose some, even though it was more brief than you'd hoped.

Best wishes in the upcoming months, I hope you continue to see improvements, and that the teaching gig works out well - that sounds like a great way for him to stay connected and thinking/looking externally.

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Re: You never know. You just never know.

Postby Dougo » April 16th, 2017, 9:41 am

Mel wrote:So good to hear that he's on the road to recovery, Doug. What a frightening and helpless feeling time all that must have been. As for the bike - maybe continue with it and get it going, then sell it and use the money toward his education, or something needed for his instruments - either one is an effort toward healing, so I don't think the intent would have changed. It sounds like it served it's purpose some, even though it was more brief than you'd hoped.


That's some good advice Mel. I hadn't thought of that. During another unfortunate event in his life he sold most of his equipment, and now has only a classical guitar that I gave him after I bought my current love. Ok. I think that will work!
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Re: You never know. You just never know.

Postby wileycoyote » April 16th, 2017, 12:50 pm

I'm happy to hear he's doing better.
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Re: You never know. You just never know.

Postby TelemarkSean » April 17th, 2017, 12:57 pm

I'm glad Luke is doing better! Where'd you end up finding a frame?

"Of course now I have a partial engine and frame sitting in my garage on the workbench, and I don't know what to do with it."

If you want the space back, Murph's BMW will possibly buy the parts from you... although probably not for very much $.

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Re: You never know. You just never know.

Postby Dougo » April 17th, 2017, 6:19 pm

Found the frame and rear subframe on eBay for a fairly reasonable price that I can't remember.. Bought a pristine cam shaft and valve tappets in good shape.

One cylinder needs to be honed. I think I'll build the thing. It's going to be slow going though. Building it is the easy part. Buying the rest of what I need will be a challenge. I'm going to have to be flexible and not make it bone stock. I'll build it, then sell it and use the money to help Luke get a leg up. He needs it.

What I'll get out of it is an education in bmw architecture. After that, I'll build another bike. I really like the process. I'm even thinking of selling Red to finance my next project.... But I still really love that bike.

Who can say what the future will bring?
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Re: You never know. You just never know.

Postby HarleyRdr » April 17th, 2017, 6:45 pm

I'm thrilled to hear Luke is doing so well. It's a long road but it sounds like he's making good progress. I love Mel's idea of finishing the bike, selling it and using the funds for something else for Luke.

We'll continue to keep you all in our thoughts and prayers.

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